Okay, here we are. A coworker and I have been talking about writing an entire thesis on The Bachelor(ette) and how it relates to American dating culture overall, I know, big stuff, for everyone’s biggest guilty pleasure TV show, but we can’t stop talking about it and I want to talk about it with all of you!

Of course there are the little things, like why some people get stuck with a last inital, I’m looking at you Tyler C, was there even another Tyler this season, seriously? There’s the untouched food sat on the table at the end of EVERY one on one date, please tell me that’s being donated somewhere, and the fact that if I look at a rose funny it falls apart so there is no way they’re lasting from the first one on one date in the week to the rose cermemony DAYS later, but then there’s the big stuff…

“Not here for the right reasons…”

First things first, if I hear one more person question if another person is there/here for the right reasons or not… I might throw somehting at the TV, I’m currently picturing Elle Woods throwing her chocolates at her tube TV post Warner breakup. Alright, let’s face it, anyone who applies to be on this TV show is looking for one thing and one thing only, a FabFitFun partnership and a blue check mark on their Instagram page. I don’t mean to be completely cynical, and while the idea of falling in love with someone who is already Twitter verified sounds like an absolute dream, what good intentions could someone possibly have in terms of wanting to fall in love with someone they’ve only seen on TV, is it just me or that’s totally creepy? Forget the hair, the makeup, the production value, you don’t know this person from any other person on planet Earth, but somehow contestant A is here for something real and B is here to become an influencer…not to meniton none of us can read minds and no one can actually truly know what any other person’s actual intentions are! END RANT.

“Never been kissed…”

The thing that infuriated me most last season, the fact that Hannah last initial’s occupation was listed as “NEVER BEEN KISSED…” First of all, that’s not a job, second of all, way to identify an entire person by one facet of their entire being. By the way she got promoted mid season and her job title changed to “HAS BEEN KISSED.” Hannah, did you update your Linkedin profile to let future employers know about your new skill, I didn’t think so… This is the opposite of feminsim people.

“What does he have to lose…”

The thing that really made me want to make a blog post on this was Colton’s season. In case you live under a rock, Colton is/was? a virgin and I don’t know if this a controversial stance, but the way the girls on his season talked about his virginity was not okay – if the roles were reversed and a man talked about a woman’s virginity in the same manner we’d consider it predatory, using words like “steal,” “take,” and sex in the same sentence might make questionably “binge-worthy” TV, but it’s just not cool! I mean we could talk about the love microcosim that is meeting someone and needing to be engaged six weeks later, and how the producers give air time to those who say the most outlandish one liners, I mean how else are we getting to Paradise, but to come walking out of the limo and pop a ballon and call it Colton’s cherry, again, I sense a double standard here.

Let me know if you want more Bachelor themed posts, I swear this could be a series, in the meantime I’ll be powedering Hannah B’s nose.